ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
AND SOME THAT AIN'T
Howdy folks! This here’s ol’ Pete and Rosebud comin’ at you again!
Do you like birds? There’s a bunch of ’em around the place up here right now. I can’t hardly ’em apart, but I like ’em. Oh, some of ’em I can. Like the red birds. They’re easy to spot. And them blue’uns, the jaybirds. And it’s easy to tell the hummin’ birds. They’re the little bitty ones always buzzin’ around the flares. And you can tell a mawckin’ bird easy enough ’cause they’re the ones makin’ all the different noises. Most of the rest of ’em are just little brownish lookin’ things. I guess they can tell each other apart, but they all seem to be purty much alike t’me. They fly around chatterin’ and doin’ whatever it is that birds do. They don’t do no harm to nobody but I dreamed about one the other night that was lookin’ at me like he was thinkin’ about swallerin’ me like a bug! Like to a scared me to death!
I know what caused it. It was this movin’ pitcher me and Rosebud seen down to Denver’s, the one about them dinersores gettin’ loose. They say that birds sprung from them dinersores back in pre-hysterical times. They was great big ol’ things back then, like that big ol’ Dinersore Rex in that movie show. Boy, he was a scary ol’ thing! And he did sorta put me in mind of a bird. Well, a chicken. I mean, the way he run along on his hind laigs grabbin’ up stuff in that big ol’ mouth of his’un. Mama used to have a rooster that’d chase you like that. Course he wasn’t near that big as that thing, but he run me off many a time when I was a young’un!
I thought them dinersores was all dead till I see that’un in the movie. I mean, it had to come from somewheres. But accordin’ to what they was sayin’ in the movie show, them scientists resurrected ’em somehow or other. Mixed ’em up outta skeeter guts or somethin’ like that. I don’t know how they done it. I don’t understand everthing I know about stuff like that. I know them scientist are allus diggin’ up their bones, lookin’ at ’em and tryin’ to figger out what happened to ’em. They say that as time went by, they kept gettin’ littler and littler and after a way-long time, they shrunk down to where they was little bitty things. Then they growed wings, put out feathers and took to the air. So that little bird settin’ up there on that tree limb sprung from a dinersore. At least that’s what them scientists say happened.
So I don’t know whether they died off, shrunk down, turned into birds or what. I’m just glad there ain’t none of them big’uns up here in the holler. But did you ever think about what it’d be like if they hadn’t shrunk down like they say they did? Just s’pose they didn’t, that them big giant dinersores had stayed big but still growed wings and put out feathers and all that. Instead of some little song bird out there in a tree lookin’ for bugs, you’d have some big ol’ bird, big as that ol’ dinersore Rex, flyin’ around up there lookin’ for you!
Me and Rosebud got to talkin’ about it on the way home from Denver’s after watchin’ that movie. She was tryin’ to scare me, but it is somethin’ to think about. What if them scientists had got aholt of a bad batch of skeeter guts and made up one of them big giant birds? It could fly off and they never would catch it. How’re you gonna catch a bird as big as a elephant? What’re you gonna do with it if you do?
I wish she hadn’t got to talkin’ about that stuff. Things like that does bother me. It ain’t good to be thinkin’ about stuff like that and then go to bed. I ain’t for me. I get to thinkin’ about it and it gets on my mind and just stays there. I go to bed and dream about it. And that’s why I dreamed about this big ol’ bird. I dreampt I was out there in the yard and I heared this sound and looked around and a crow flew down and lit out in the middle of the pasture. Only it was like twenty foot tall! It started lookin’ around, spotted my sweet corn patch over there on the other side of the garden, hopped over there and started eatin’ all my corn.
Now there ain’t no corn out there, not this time of year, but this was a dream. And in my dream, I had a great big patch of it and that big ol’ crow was out there eatin’ it stalks and all. Well, I didn’t care about the corn. He could have all of it if he wanted it, but he finished the corn, looked up and seen me standin’ over there. Then he cocked his head to one side and started comin’ right at me!
That’s when I woke up in there in the middle of the livin’ room. I reckon I jumped up outta the bed and took off runnin’. Yeah, I was tryin’ to get away from that big ol’ giant dinersore-bird. Ain’t no tellin’ how far I’d of run if I hadn’t barked my shin on the rockin’ chair and woke myself up.
I’m just gonna quit talkin’ about stuff like that. There ain’t none of it real. There ain’t no big birds like that. There ain’t no dinersores. Its all just made up stuff so I ain’t gonna think about it no more. I ain’t even gonna listen to it. Next time that mule starts in with a bunch of that stuff, I’m gonna stick my fangers in my yers. And I shore ain’t gonna look at no more of them dinersore movies!
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